sep 0 4 What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

Life has witnessed an exponential rise in activity since the time Davies wrote these lines. Twentieth century saw the growth of automobile and the airplanes; telephones and television. The modern man is sandwiched between increasing workloads and shrinking deadlines. For the modern man love-making as an extended voluptuous experience is increasingly becoming a rarity. Where in fact is the time to stand and stare at your love-partner, emanating sensuousness from the eyes, admiring body contours and indulging in foreplay? Invariably, the needles of the watch have become the masters of our destiny. ‘Instant’ is the mantra these days—instant foods, instant clothing, and instant cricket and now we increasingly feel the need for instant sex. Human tendency, however, is never in favors of shorter versions of amorous games, as the thirst is never satisfied by swift and sweet adventures. We want to linger on and want more and more but the exigencies of schedules and activities are making full-blooded sex uncommon. Hence, we have the invention of a quickie. Quickie is quick action love-making.

Where can you have a hurried bout of sex?

Possibly, anywhere with or without the roof It could be before or in the bath, or during the lunch hours in a secluded storeroom of your workplace. A nook of the gallery you are visiting; a recess into the woods off a busy motorway could well also serve as the venue to release the pent up sexual desires.

Sometimes you find two friends from the ongoing party conspicuously missing without information. And while you frantically, try to search them, they coolly slither back into the crowd. Propriety suggests that you don’t ask where they have been. The couple could have made good their time with a quickie in the protected confines of their parked car.

The car halt in the garage, may well spontaneously give rise to palpitations in the groin. And before you come to terms with reality, a quickie has provided you with a much-needed respite before you drown yourselves in household chores. For others, a forlorn parking or a deserted end of the garden… may well come in handy. The office loo is widely used by those colleagues who are deprived of time or the courage to move out in the city. In colleges, the towering though secluded lines shelves of libraries and laboratories serve more the purpose of quest of quick sex than as fountainheads of intellectual prowess. And whatever is available at the moment- a canvas, tarpaulin, discarded car seats, gas cylinders, tyres, and broken benches come in handy to help eat the forbidden fruit in a jiffy. Quickies have always been in vogue in the rural hinterlands

Here fear from the prying eyes rather than shortage of time has been their chief motivational cause. Lovelorn cannot move about without being noticed in small townships and villages. A bout of quick sex adds some intimacy and spice to the feeling of adoration that abounds in two breasts. So, a tall crop like cane sugar, corn or fodder or an orchard provides the perfect environment for a quickie. It’s like the game of middle order batsman who has to perform or perish. There are no hushed whispers, smooching or intimate kissing. Foreplay is forbidden. Not only for dearth of time but because excessive raunchiness can well become a torment hard to bear. And guess, what could be the greatest deterrent for a quickie? No, it is never an unsuspected intrusion, for people may enjoy watching you in sex-a-venture than playing the spoilsport. Rather the villains are with you or on you—a silly string, belt, buttons and tight clothing especially pants. You may take more time in taking them off than the real episode itself. And just one of them could play the devil. For you could have fiddled and frittered those precious minutes away, in a thing as worthless as untying a knot

Rightly is it said, “Time and tide wait for no one”. So, go for a quickie!

Aug 31: Most adults spend the major part of their life in an intimate relationship. The fact that you are visiting this site probably means that you are either experiencing relationship problems or in the process of starting a new relationship.

Relationships are potentially very satisfying; they protect us from loneliness and improve our physical and mental health. A two-parent family is also the most successful setting for the care and upbringing of children. But it is not all plain sailing, and there are an enormous number of problems that can cause disturbances in these relationships – which is ultimately why many couples are seeking some effective relationship advice.

These relationship problems are not just arguments, power struggles and fights, but may also include stress reactions of one sort or another, and these can sometimes lead to depression or anxiety in one or both of the partners. Again, problems such as jealousy and sexual difficulties can often cloud what might otherwise be a successful relationship. Many Relationship advice counselors deal with all areas of a relationship, whereas some counselors will deal specifically with certain areas – like communication, sex therapists etc.

During the years when I was running my couple therapy clinic, my team and I devised a method for treating these relationship problems, which we found to be very beneficial. It is chiefly on this experience in treating couples and offering relationship advice that this website is based. There are many good books on how to manage problems like anxiety, shyness and low self-esteem, and many guides to having a better sex life. However, there are not many books available that offer relationship advice to couples, so hopefully this site will start to fill that void.

Do it yourself relationship advice and couple therapy.

You may wonder whether self help articles can be used by the couple themselves without the help of a therapist. Well, I hope that after reading through this site you will be able to give a positive answer to this question. I am encouraged to think so because much of our therapy in the relationship advice clinics I ran was directed towards giving our couples ‘homework’ exercises to be carried out before our next meeting with them.

The couples themselves were responsible for quite a lot of their own successes in therapy, after being given the relevant relationship advice for their specific issues. I think it is very likely that the do-it-yourself approach will be helpful, at least for those couples who are prepared to work together on their relationship problems and are not inexorably set on the road to divorce.

Of course you don’t need to have serious problems in your relationship to make use of the articles on this site: it may simply be used as a way of enhancing what is already a good relationship.

At the Midwest Institute of Sexology, USA, students are taught a variety of ’sexercises’. They help students to enjoy their bodies and enhance their capacities for sexual pleasure. The most basic of these are the ‘Kegel exercises’, which serve to tone and strengthen the Pubococcygeus or PC muscles that form the floor of the pubis. The health of these muscles plays an important role in sexual arousal, climax, and in other physiological functions.
What are Kegel Exercises?

Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about what Kegel exercises are, their benefits and how and when to do them.

I do assure you, dear readers; that in addition to enhanced sexual benefits, Kegel exercises have many more advantages like wellness and better health. These pelvic floor exercises are named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, who developed them in 1948, as a method of controlling incontinence that occurs in some women following childbirth. These exercises are now recommended for women with urinary stress incontinence. But they are not only for women. Men, who suffer from urinary incontinence after prostate surgery and faecal incontinence, also find them beneficial.

The principal behind Kegel exercises is to strengthen muscles of the pelvic floor, thereby improving the urethral and rectal sphincter muscles. The exercises can be performed at any time and at any place. You can do the exercises while lying down or sitting. Most people will notice some improvement after 4 to 6 weeks.

Men should do Kegel Exercises Regularly...

Well, if there’s one concern with men, it is: “How can I control myself from ejaculating so quickly?” says Ana Fernandez, who works in a NGO that also runs a help-line. The answer is simpler, than the problem. There is a way that men can help themselves! All that is required is a little exercise that can be done even sitting before the TV, watching the news!

As mentioned before, both men and women have a PC muscle, which is responsible for the health of the pelvic floor. But hey! That’s not all it’s used for. You want to maximize your sexual experiences, don’t you? (Dumb question, I must admit!—then, gentlemen, you have to keep this muscle in tip-top condition). The next time you go to the toilet and start urinating, try to stop the flow midway. Take this test too: When you have an erection, can you squeeze your PC muscles and make your penis jump substantially? If you cannot, well then, you need the Kegel exercises more than you know! Did you know, gentlemen, that exercising this muscle regularly will prolong the duration of lovemaking and make your climax much more intense? Some men with healthy PC muscles can actually hang a towel over their erections and raise and lower their penises at will. Well, I’d say that is motivation enough to move those muscles. To begin with, once your PC muscles get going, you could use a handkerchief and then graduate to a towel!

It’s all about working out boys! Just as working out your biceps will give you better definition and more strength, similarly the PC muscles will better define your erections and orgasms. To put it in a nutshell, you should do Kegel exercises because: They increase the blood flow to the genital area and support sexual mechanism.

They strengthen and tone the muscles that are involved in ejaculation and so men who do them, can, if they do some additional work with themselves, gain greater control over the timing of their ejaculations! Kegel exercises prevent incontinence and other problems often associated with aging

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Kegel Exercises for Women
Psychosexual therapist, Paula Hall says that you may never have noticed your pelvic floor muscles before, but regular exercises to strengthen them can bring about delightful sexual benefits. Not just that but you’ll be surprised to know that 5.2 billion dollars are spent on adult diapers every year. It is quoted in Harvard Health Letter, “in an age when people talk about sex and Viagra as if they were discussing golf scores, it seems ironic that more than 200 million people worldwide, who suffer from urinary incontinence are too embarrassed to mention the subject to their doctor.”

ut if they did, they would learn that there are treatments that can eliminate or improve the problem in 9 out of 10 people, who experience urine leakage. The health benefits for women include:

Improved blood circulation to the genital area, which helps sexual arousal and stronger and pleasurable orgasms. A greater feeling of control and confidence on vaginal penetration.

Avoiding urinary incontinence and vaginal prolapse.
How Do I Identify My PC Muscles?

One way is to sit on the toilet seat and start to urinate—men will do it this way too, please! Try to stop the flow of urine stream by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. Repeat this action several times, until, you become familiar with the feel of contracting the correct group of muscles. Do not contract your back, abdominal or thigh muscles while performing the exercises.

Another approach to help you identify the correct muscle group is to insert the finger into the vagina. You should then try to tighten the muscle around your finger as if holding back urine. Men can lie down, insert a finger in their anus, and feel the muscle as it tightens around it. The abdominal and thigh muscles should remain relaxed.
How Do I Do Regular Kegel Exercises?

First completely empty your bladder.Sit or lie comfortably with the muscles of your thighs, buttocks, and abdomen relaxed.Tighten the ring of muscles around the back passage as if you are trying to control diarrhoea or wind. Relax it. Practice this movement several times until you are sure, you are exercising the correct muscle.Tighten and draw in the muscles around the anus and the urethra all at once. Lift them up inside. Try and hold this contraction as strongly as you can and count to five, then relax, and release. You should have a definite feeling of ‘letting go.’

Repeat the ’squeeze and lift’ and relax. It is important to rest between each contraction. If you find it easy to hold the contraction for a count of five, try to hold for longer—up to 10.

Repeat this as many times as you are able to a maximum of 8-10 squeezes. Make each tightening a strong, slow, and controlled contraction.

Now do 5-10 short, fast, but strong contractions, pulling and immediately letting go.Do this whole exercise in routine, at least 4-5 times a day. You can do it in a variety of positions—lying, sitting, standing and walking.

If you work up to three sets of 30 or more strong squeezes, you are probably healthy enough for most purposes, and need only to maintain this level of fitness by doing these three sets four times a week, instead of three times a day. Indeed, with proper performance of Kegel exercises, control of urinary incontinence has improved up to 50% to 80%. But here I must add a word of caution: Some people feel that they can speed up progress by increasing the frequency of exercise. However, over-exercising may cause muscle fatigue.

The question of why some marriages fail while others stay healthy is not the mystery it once was. Through careful observation and research, social scientists have come to appreciate the stages through which the majority of marriages pass, the types of life events that tend to be associated with relationship problems, and the predictable patterns that tend to emerge when marriages do begin to fail. "Forewarned is forearmed", or so the saying goes. Learning about these predictable stages and patterns can perhaps help couples to better understand when a relationship problem is cause for alarm and help should be sought and when what appears to be problematic is nothing to be concerned about. With this in mind, we offer the following summation of what is known about how relationships get into trouble.

Expectable marriage patterns

In the large majority of cases, the early years of a marriage are the happiest. Marriage happiness ratings tend to be highest during the first one or two years of marriage, and then drop to lower levels. A variety of factors, most prominently the introduction of children to the family, place considerable demand on the marriage which is difficult to negotiate Parenting takes a toll on the ways that partners tend to experience each other. Marriage satisfaction levels off as children leave the home, but frequently the partners never recover the intensity of feeling they originally had for each other. Thereafter, the marriage may function quite well and both partners may be quite content, but some portion of the passion that was originally present has burned off.

It certainly isn't fair that passion tends to die down over time, but it is an observable fact. It has been suggested that we have perhaps evolved to only stay passionate with a partner for a time-limited period (just long enough to get pregnant and raise a child through the most sensitive parts of early childhood), but this remains speculation. Whatever the cause, among the many challenges that spouses face in keeping their marriage strong is finding ways to keep some passion alive, and adjusting to the fact that as familiarity increases, some passion will likely leave the marriage and that this is a normal process. Partners who seriously fail at these tasks can drift apart emotionally and/or fall pray to temptations such as extramarital affairs.

If a picture of marriage satisfaction over time looks like a downward sloping curve, a picture of how marriage problems look through time resembles an arch. Few problems are recognized in the early stages of marriage. Marriage problems tend to rise in the middle years of marriage, probably in response to family obligations including raising children, caring for elderly parents and the like. Finally, reports of marriage problems drop off as care giving responsibilities decline.

While long term patterns of satisfaction and complaint tend to occur as described above, what is happening at any given moment for any given couple is far more variable. Family, friends, employment and country make continual demands on married people. There is a certain normal waxing and waning of closeness that usually occurs between the partners as they negotiate these varying demands. At some times the relationship will be most important; at other times, work or military service, or parenting will seem more important. Normal relationships, (unlike the fantasy ones featured in movies) do move between intimacy and detachment. This is important to keep in mind so as not to panic when evaluating your feelings for your own spouse. Ocassionally feeling distant or detached from your spouse doesn't mean that a real marriage problem exists, so long as your detachment doesn't persist and so long that on average your marriage remains your first priority.

Some marriages fail. Given the long-term predictable declines in marriage satisfaction and the predictable rise in marriage complaints that tends to occur in the average marriage, today's high divorce rates are perhaps not shocking. In recent years in America, approximately 50% of all marriages have tended to end in divorce. Many divorced people remarry, but the statistics for divorces among remarried people are even worse, with over 50% of those marriages failing. Conservative critics get upset about the high divorce rate and look nostalgically backwards to earlier times when the divorce rates were lower. What such critics don't tend to focus on, however, is that while divorce rates were lower in past decades, divorces were also much harder to obtain. There is no reason to believe that just because prior century couples stayed together more often that their marriages were any more functional or happy than are those of today's divorcing couples.

Divorce is a highly public and obvious formal sign of marriage failure. Depending on how you understand and define marriage, however, there are other ways that marriages can die. Modern marriage is both a legal and social arrangement as well as an intimate and emotional partnership. A formal marriage can persist for years after the emotional and intimate parts of it have perished. This sort of arrangement might be a fine agreement if both partners wish it, but an unfortunate fate if one partner does not but for whatever reason won't or can't muster the will to leave.

 

 

August 22-Simply wearing the color red or being bordered by the rosy hue makes a man more attractive and sexually desirable to women, according to a series of studies by researchers at the University of Rochester and other institutions. And women are unaware of this arousing effect.The cherry color's charm ultimately lies in its ability to make men appear more powerful, says lead author Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. "We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder. And it's this high-status judgment that leads to the attraction," Elliot says.Why does red signal rank? The authors see both culture and biology at work. In human societies across the globe, red traditionally has been part of the regalia of the rich and powerful. Ancient China, Japan and sub-Saharan Africa all used the vibrant tint to convey prosperity and elevated status, and Ancient Rome's most powerful citizens were literally called "the ones who wear red." Even today, the authors note, businessmen wear a red tie to indicate confidence, and celebrities and dignitaries are feted by "rolling out the red carpet."Along with this learned association between red and status, the authors point to the biological roots of human behavior. In non-human primates, like mandrills and gelada baboons, red is an indicator of male dominance and is expressed most intensely in alpha males. Females of these species mate more often with alpha males, who in turn provide protection and resources."When women see red it triggers something deep and probably biologically engrained," explains Elliot. "We say in our culture that men act like animals in the sexual realm. It looks like women may be acting like animals as well in the same sort of way."To quantify the red effect, the paper analyzed responses from 288 female and 25 male undergraduates to photographs of men in seven different experiments. Participants were all self-identified as heterosexual or bisexual. In one color presentation, participants looked at a man's photo framed by a border of either red or white and answered a series of questions, such as: "How attractive do you think this person is?"Other experiments contrasted red with gray, green, or blue. Colors were precisely equated in lightness and intensity so that test results could not be attributed to differences other than hue.

In several experiments, the shirt of the man in the photographs was digitally colored either red or another color. Participants rated the pictured man's status and attractiveness, and reported on their willingness to date, kiss, and engage in other sexual activity with the person. They also rated the man's general likability, kindess, and extraversion.

The researchers found that the red effect was limited to status and romance: red made the man seem more powerful, attractive, and sexually desirable, but did not make the man seem more likable, kind, or sociable. The effect was consistent across cultures: undergraduates in the United States, England, Germany, and China all found men more attractive when wearing or bordered by red.

And the effect was limited to women. When males were asked to rate the attractiveness of a pictured male, color made no difference in their responses.

Across all the studies, the influence of color was totally under the radar. "We typically think of color in terms of beauty and aesthetics," say Elliot. "But color carries meaning as well and affects our perception and behavior in important ways without our awareness."

In earlier work, Elliot documented that men are more attracted to women in red. But the red effect depends on the context. Elliot and others have also shown that seeing red in competitive situations, such as IQ tests or sporting events, leads to worse performance.

The paper was coauthored by Daniela Niesta Kayer, University of Rochester; Tobias Greitemeyer, University of Innsbruck; Stephanie Lichtenfeld, University of Munich; Richard H. Gramzow, University of Southampton; Markus A. Maier, University of Munich; and Huijun Liu, Tainjin Medical University.

The research was funded by the Alexander von Humboldt Foundation and an Excellence Guest Professorship at the University of Munich.

Not getting much action in bed? You may actually be turning him off. We tell women about some things they just shouldn’t do

Men will be men, no matter what! Neither do they think nor behave like women. That is a part of their DNA and the hard truth, no matter how much women may hate or despise this fact. And when it comes to that all important act, sex, each gender has its own peculiarities. So while endless lists exists of all things that men get wrong in bed, here we elaborate on some of the important feminine mistakes; the kind that will actually act as a deterrent instead of attracting him to you. And so ladies, here’s a list of six important dont’s:

He’s sexed up, don’t deny it:
n Wherever men maybe from, the reality is this; they do not think like women. So, expecting your guy to put himself in your shoes and act accordingly is equivalent to setting yourself up for disaster. Remember, for men, romance and sex are not synonymous, in fact the two could at times have absolutely no connection to each other. So if your guy wants sex even though the mood is far from romantic, you either give into his wishes or bear the consequences. Sex, for men, is all about physical pleasure and his seemingly insatiable sex drive is pretty much a part of his maleness.

You’ve got a sexy side, don’t hide it:
n Good girls are good, but not in bed. If you over work the demure, non-sexual act, believe us, you’re not going to have much fun. Remember, the lack of feminine energy during sex may actually be read as a reluctance to initiate the act or to be an active partner in it. Most importantly, it’s an indicator of your reluctance to express your feelings and be assertive. So while in bed be that quintessential sex vixen. Do what it takes to seduce him, voice out your pleasure during the act — moans and groans included and most importantly, be loud and clear about your wants and needs, he will be more than happy to oblige.

He’s not a mind reader, don’t expect him to:
n Another important thing to remember is that guys are not mind readers, even though most women would love them to be. Hence, ladies, if you want something, you’ve just got to be blatantly frank about it. Believe us, your guy will actually be grateful if you let him in on your secrets as knowing your likes and dislikes will definitely take away the pressure of him having to guess and meet your expectations. If you’re expecting him to interpret your moans and groans and act accordingly, that’s not going to happen unless you tell him which of his actions please you and which do not and which are your pleasure spots versus the spots that tickle you. Also, doing this will make him sure that you’re just as passionate and excited about ‘doing it’ as he is and that, as most men will confess, is one of the biggest turn ons.

Fantasies are powerful, don’t ignore them:
n Guys fantasise about sex all the time and one of the best ways to keep them hooked on to you is to indulge their fantasies. Ladies, accept it, men have an almost insatiable appetite for sex. It’s almost like the thought about ‘doing it’ occupies their mind continuously. It’s not that women are any less excited at the prospects of sex except that psychologically they are not prone to making their desires too vocal and hence, blatantly obvious. But this is the mistake. So, even if you don’t believe in voicing out your dream sex scene, when it comes to your guy, make sure you give him the necessary action and just the way he imagines it. Also, try voicing out your fantasy to him, and you can be assured that he will go out of his way to make it a reality.

Variation is good, don’t by shy:
Variety is the spice of life, and it’s even more relevant when it comes to sex. Tried and tested is boring and you’ll never know what you’re missing if you display an unwillingness to explore options. So, if your guy suggests some new positions that he’s seen, read or heard about that he’d like you’ll to try out, don’t say no without even giving it a thought or a try. As we said before, being a sex vixen is far more pleasurable than playing shy bride.

Makeup sex is fun, don’t believe otherwise:
n Sex is all about the physical manifestation of your love and feelings for your partner. And while arguments and fights may be a part and parcel of each and every relationship, there’s no better way of making-up than with a hot and steamy romp between the sheets. In fact, you’d be surprised at the high level of passion just after a huge argument. Even if you do not feel that important emotional connect at the start, by the time you’ll are done, you’ll be closer and more connected than before. If you’re one of those who thinks sitting down and talking things out is the only solution to a fight, try this method out, the results could just surprise you in unexpected ways

Bored of the same routine that you and your partner follow in the bedroom?
Role Play: If it turns him/her on, on the screen, imagine how much more effective it will be in real life. Think up which is your partner’s favourite movie love scene and surprise them by recreating it in your bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to get each and every detail right, instead work on your own look. Hands-Free: It’s quite amazing how a simple touch can indeed arouse your partner. But instead of using your hands, like you always do, try to arouse him/her by using some other body part. Tell your partner it’s a hands-free night and be as innovative as you can, you’ll be surprised at how much he/she will love it.

Talk the deed : There’s a reason why phone sex is so popular, words can indeed be an instant turn on. Ask your partner what s/he’s wearing and describe, as sexily as you can, what you are wearing and then, talk about how you’d like to undress him/her. Tell him/her about your secret fantasy and get them to tell you theirs and then discuss how you could indulge in it while in the bedroom.

Set it up: Put out those harsh, artificial lights and opt for some scented candles, scatter petals of roses all over the bed and whatever else you know will work to make the night even more interesting. Yes, this is where you need to do the settings for those fantasies that you and your partner have discussed. For that element of surprise, lead your partner into the bedroom with his/her eyes covered.

The surprise factor: Nothing works better to work up the passion than leading him/her on. Leave a note on the TV remote that says ‘Turn me on instead’. Leave directions, in the form of pieces of your clothing from the front door to your bedroom. Let him/her find you laying seductively on the bed and enjoy the action that follows.